Random Ficlets of DOOM
by hauntful yay
Summary: The typical life of the Naruto teams... living life as best as they can through tiny oneshots. Yay for no plot!
1. Gai's Team

Tenten looked curiously down into the hole. It was a deep hole. A very deep hole. Gai and Lee were sitting at the bottom, highfiving. Glorious day to combine the Lotuses, they had said. And it had worked very nicely. Tenten swung her legs as she sat on the edge, seeing Neji doing the same thing across from her. She couldn't actually see Lee and Gai, but Neji had his bykukun activated. Nothing like a good bloodline limit to watch people highfive and create sunsets in total darkness. It was at that point that Tenten slipped. And down, down, down….

Neji looked incredulously at his falling teammate. Well, previously falling teammate. At the current point, pointy objects were crisscrossing everywhere like a good game of Kerplunk and Tenten was calmly lying on her strings in the middle. Lee and Gai were still, he checked, oblivious. How was he going to get them out, anyway? Maybe they could use their super speed to climb… for miles? Hm, this would require some thought. But first, to attend to Tenten, who had aimed a very accurate kunai at his face.

"El Stupido." El stupido indeed, he thought as he looked at the tag attached to the incredibly not dull kunai. "But let the battle begin." And that was when said tag blew up, as they always tend to do. However, Neji, being the genius he was, had already thrown it back to the center to the hole, where Tenten was no longer waiting. She was gone. Climbing up the invisible wires that connected her to her weapons, she got closer and closer…

Neji fell into the hole. It was just too tempting. So hopping onto those near invisible strings, he spun and leaped and destroyed and watched Tenten rebuild again. The new training ground was quite refreshing.

WAY WAY down in The Hole, Lee had paused in his high five. There appeared to be a battle going on a few… miles up from them! Quickly whispering (or shouting, no one could hear them with the battle going on upstairs) (though there were no stairs) this information to Gai, who had no doubt already noticed, the two skipped off those wonderfully ravaged walls and went to join the battle.

When Hinata approached them later, needing to bring Neji home for dinner, all she had to do was follow the crowd. Training ground five was no more, but it had been converted into something much better. Not that she knew when Gai, Lee, Neji, and Tenten would be fighting each other in a colossal abyss, but if it helped them train, she did not see a problem. The Hokage apparently did, though; especially when the dirt Lee and Gai had blown up finally came falling down a few hours later…


	2. Kurenai's Team

Kiba frowned at Hinata. She was dying, AGAIN. You'd think she get a bit better at pretending to be alive, but NOOO. She was acting dead. He hated people who acted dead, though he couldn't exactly hate Hinata. Shino had taken care of all future hatings on that first day. "Behave." And the team had found that that single word, the only word that Shino had spoken for MONTHS, applied to a lot. It applied to just about everything. Like team behavior, for instance. And so Kiba did nothing worse than frown and picked up his dead-looking (hatefully dead-looking) teammate.

Hinata was also thinking deeply. Die dead-looking ness, she thought disappointedly. Or even just being dead. Here she was being picked up AGAIN, by Kiba, because she looked dead. So, she thought, I am going to fix this. Consequently Hinata jumped out from Kiba arms, spun around in three circles, ran around the field, took in Kiba and Shino's looks of wonder, and fainted. Always tended to happen with Hinata… and she looked even more dead now. Shino rolled his eyes, though it of course went unnoticed by everyone. Can't have the secrecy queen (Kiba never quite knew why he thought of Shino as a queen, but he did, and he thought it might have something to do with the king of all bugs being queens) showing his EXPRESSIONS. That'd be _horrible_…

Kurenai shrugged, looking curiously at Kiba's face and answering Shino's silent question, whatever it was. Her team was just so beautiful. They all worked together, they all understood each other, the only girl on their team was more often than not unconscious, the queen bug was always expressionless, and Kiba always looked constipated. So beautiful, so beautiful…


	3. Asuma's Team

"Your eyes are… black."

"Not black. Brown. BROWN." Shikamaru even brought his voice up in defiance. He was very proud of his eyes.

"Hm… black." Ino resumed, ignoring him. "No pupils, either. That is very strange. But don't worry honey, I don't have 'em either."

"Your eyes are HUGE. That's just unnatural." Chouji thought his friend had suffered enough. You knew you hit a nerve when Shikamaru talked back on the FIRST listening. Besides, Ino's eyes _were_ unnatural.

"Nah, you guys' eyes' just all suck. I am literally" here Ino measured her distance away from Shikamaru with the tip of her nail, "less than a centimeter away from you, and that's just to find the color of your eyes. You guys's eyes are so TINY! I wonder what it'd be like to have you get pink eye, with all the white. Hey, you know what, that's a good idea! I can get Forehead girl, and the weird girl from the sand that you like, and--"

Ino got punched in the face as the table underneath her intriguingly produced a hole with an arm protruding out of it. Yelling mightily, she resorted to her battle stance against Chouji, who was smirking and sitting on Shikamaru, whos shadows had been creeping forward ever since the 'black' thing, and Chouji decided was a little too close. But then Ino fell over and started spiritually dive bombing at Chouji's head. Chouji, being the perfect boy he was, started eating so he could shrink his head, so that spirit Ino would be too squished and…

That was how Asuma found them. Shikamaru unconscious, Chouji's head the size of a… yeah, think headless horsemen, Ino boasting a concussion and folded over one of the chairs with the really pointy ends, and everybody looking generally wasted. Smiling, he left the grounds, porting the contacts container proudly. Good training, good training…


	4. Kakashi's Team

Naruto jumped. Jumped pretty high. Didn't want to die, after all. Sakura didn't look too happy, and Sasuke was running for his life—in Naruto's direction. He bet Sasuke was doing it on purpose. Die stupid Sasuke who led a decidedly not stupid (refer to the not dying idea) Sakura to his special hiding place. Who cares if his hiding place was a piece of dirt. Ninja could hide everywhere! They could be also found everywhere. Naruto continued rising.

Sasuke smiled as maliciously as he could while running for his life. Which was pretty darn maliciously, as he'd had lots of practice. Finally fan people (key word, people) were good for something! Sasuke was delighted, especially since Sakura was about to get a new punching bag, namely his _bestest_ friend. Sasuke did his favorite expression again, hoping Naruto—was he flying? Couldn't tell, though it wouldn't surprise if he was- would _dddiiiieeee… _(hiss hiss)

Saukra _knew_ she was smarter than that. Naruto hadn't done anything. It was Sasuke who deserved to be punished. But Sasuke was also harder to hit, because he treated everything as a life of death situation. Not that Naruto didn't, but he seemed to think of Sakura was a whole new category and therefore treated her with a bit more humanity… Sasuke harder, but guiltier… Naruto easier, but innocenter… Sakura changed direction, mentally slapping herself.

Kakashi watched his favorite and only students from the tress, sighing as Sasuke fell into his bubble. His team was SO messed up, he thought, as he contemplated the tone of Naruto's scream and Sasuke's scary panting besides him. Scary panting? Scary PANTING? SO maliciously selfcenterdly messed up…


	5. The Sand Siblings

Gaara GROWLED.

Temari laughed.

Kankouro backed away.

"Give it BACK!" But she didn't.

Which ensured that some kind of chaos had to endure. Violence aside, they were both psychologically wasted by the end of the battle. Wasn't their fault, either. It was Kankouro's fault and those idiotic Kazekage robes' fault. Had anyone thought to measure Gaara? Of course. Had anyone had the guts to approach the homicidal maniac? Of course not.

That led to Kankouro kindly kidnapping Gaara, dumping him in a vat of streaming measuring tools, and telling him to do it himself. THAT led to Temari not so kindly kidnapping Gaara's teddy bear to encourage said homicidal maniac to actually follow directions. So, all said, it wasn't Gaara's _or_ Temari's fault.

Why Gaara didn't use his sand, no one knew. It might have been because he was trying to get an oasis for Christmas. But then again, it might have been his deeming his siblings unworthy. Or his finding his sand tired. Or something. Everyone was just thankful, and left it at that.

Eventually Gaara got his teddy bear back. Then the sand finally broke out of the soundproof, entirely metal box it had been enclosed in (what cha know…). Temari finally ran. Kankouro finally got Gaara's measurements. Maybe. But probably not.


End file.
